Saturday, July 18, 2009

Has it all Revealed Itself to You?

My daughter is with her father tonight so I thought I would write. She is not there often. He is usually with his latest girlfriend.  He goes on Match.com and has met a series of potential partners, each one a little less promising then the last.  He started out thinking he was free of me and my disease and now every time I see him he is a little more broken and the women that he dates are a little more beaten scuffed up.  The first few women he dated smiled and shook my hand.  They wanted to spend time with my daughter.  Now they skulk into the shadows and hide their faces as soon as we appear.

He is afraid and I am not. 

I was told I was going to die.  My treatment was not working.  I met someone who believed I would live.  I worked with him and others around him.  I felt blessed and I let go. 

I lived.  

This is not meant to be a bitter post and I hope it does not sound that way.  My husband always scoffed at anything beyond the scope of what he could see.  He still does.  He thinks if he has a woman beside him that wants to have sex and if he makes 6 figures then it will all be okay.

I know different.  I have felt peace and tranquility and acceptance for a long time now.  I firmly believe it is why I am alive to spend mornings with my daughter as she gets ready for school. I know where to find beauty.  To answer my own question...it has not all been revealed to me.  But I know if I work hard enough on myself and on my world it will be.

25 comments:

Sue said...

My lord Melissa! Let it all out will you?

Ha, I love you and once again that was a really powerful post.

Michelle said...

Oh Melissa.

You were so ready for this.

Beth said...

Thank you for stopping by my blog.

I have just read your posts, and it seems to me that you are in the process of making some remarkable discoveries. Lucky you -- to realize the value of being true to yourself. All the best to you on your journey!

Melissa said...

sue...I love you too and thank you darling.

Michelle..indeed I am.

Beth...thank you very much. I am trying to find my way.

lime said...

it doesn't sound even a little bitter. it sounds honest and hopeful.

Emily said...

Wow. You have certainly been through a lot and are an amazingly strong woman! I can't wait to read what you have to say next!

Candice said...

I agree with Lime.

Keep on posting so we can all go on the journey with you. I have a feeling that you're going in the right direction. :)

Melissa said...

Lime...thank you. I feel honest and hopeful ;)

Emily...thank you as well! I will be here for awhile I am sure I am loving the feeling that comes with blogging.

Candice...I know I am going the right way...thank you.

Kat said...

I don't think it sounds bitter at all. It sounds honest and wise. :)

icancarryallthebagsandthebabiestoo said...

What's amazing to me is that you've managed to take something scary, like cancer and turn it into an epiphany.

It's become something that nearly killed you, yet gave you new life too.

Yaya said...

I'm sorry for what you have gone through. You're right, personal clarification is far better than any amount of money.

Liam said...

I could give seminars on how little sex accomplishes unless it is accompanied by a true feeling of caring. Your husband can F... himself silly and he will never fill the void.

Leni Qinan said...

Melissa, thank you for your comment on my blog. So good to read that after what you've been through, you're a courageous and hyperpositive woman. We should all learn from that.

(Yeah, good sex is great, but there's no need to make it a race. It's much better if it's backed up with good loving feelings. If only some guys would know it). ;)

Liam said...

I need to know more how about another post?

Jodi said...

Melissa, I'm afraid I'm much to literal to reply to this post. Let's see, the mailman, nor the neighbor, nor any co-workers have "revealed" themselves to me (is that what you mean?)...

Thank goodness!

Now, could you ask a question I might possibly be able to answer and sound semi-intelligent about?

southernspeak4-T said...

Thanks for your comment, Melissa.

Actually, I didn't mean to leave my comments open, but I'm glad you did - reminding me that others have gone through much worse than I - you're an inspiration!

I'm struggling with bitterness myself at the moment, but it passes - just gotta focus on the angels in the room rather than the a-holes sometimes;)

Take care,

~Southern

Melissa said...

Southern...so very sweet of you. I have been following the drama from afar and it is so very apparent you are being railroaded.

If you ever want someone to chat with drop me an email!

Shelly Rayedeane said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shelly Rayedeane said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shelly Rayedeane said...

Bitterness is reserved for those who choose to play the victim card instead of rising above obstacles and choosing to overcome.

Good post.

Melissa said...

Thank you Shelly! and I would agree with you!

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